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Fear’s Ploy – a poem about courage

05.11.19

There were many times,

with many missed moments.

But not enough lifetimes

for our postponements.

We put off our joy

as we fell for fear’s ploy.

‘Don’t do it; you’ll fail

between your legs; keep your tail.’

 

There were many days,

and lost opportunity

Unwarranted delays

and embraced jejunity.

We stayed afraid

because anxiety said,

‘Make no moves

The world disapproves.’

 

We accepted the lies

and paid the price

our glory lost

our pride the cost.

 

No more! No more!

For that we’re sure.

We’ll keep our head tall

unafraid to fall.

As we stride

against the tide

 

We reclaim control

of our steps and role.

With courage.

With wit.

and fear but a bit.

– Miranisa

 

Writer’s message: Fear is inevitable. Fear is human. But, it can be the thing that holds you back from the success that you deserve. Don’t let it.

 

 

 

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Rating my mind

My mental health has been at a solid and consistent 7 for most of this year.

I am content.

Last year, my mental state was a 3 on a good day. It was brutal.

I recognised that so much was wrong. Not at first though. The recognition only came when I lost recognition. There I go repeating words again. At first I didn’t recognise my thoughts and then I didn’t recognise myself. It was a scary time.

Even though the year stayed at a 3 rating, everyday felt so much worse than the one before. And then, I wasn’t sure if I was making up these negative experiences. Was I just exaggerating about how I felt? I couldn’t tell what was real or not. I was detached from myself.

I felt guilty for feeling this way. I invalidated my own feelings. After all, I had a good life. I had a family, friends, support. I had no right to be so down. This was reserved for people who didn’t have good lives. So, why me?

Truth bomb! Not everything was good. I found myself in many toxic spaces and I was a sponge, soaking it all up. I thought I was immune to such scenarios. I had control. And I did, but I hadn’t claimed it.

I claimed control when I admitted that I had every right to feel what I felt just as much as the next person. And there was help for me.

I went to therapy.

Right now my mental health is at 7. It will never be at a 10 but neither will it be at a 3 again. And this is not because I am immune. It is because now I know better.

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A Goal Diggers ‘no plan’ plan

Truth is, there is no plan. 

And up until having to write this post, I hadn’t set any goals for the month.

I had tiny mental notes of things that I wanted to do to improve as a person but they hadn’t been filed under ‘Goals’. In fact, I do not believe I have anything in that mental file.

However, my personal improvement cabinet is over flowing.

Today’s writing prompt: 5 goals I would like to achieve by end of this month. 

It will be simply written.

If I had to make 5 goals right now, this is what they will be:

  1. Learn better ways of financial control by engaging with people on the strategies they have adopted. I have some really big plans, which I will share when I am comfortable, that needs saving for. If you have any strategies that you use, please share as a comment.
  2. Learn to mind my own business. As an empath, this is extremely hard but must be down. Quite frankly I am not really sure that I should be minding my business. I think it is selfish to go around just thinking of yourself. However, I am tired of hearing, ‘I know you want to help, but think about yourself. Let’s see how this goes.
  3. Be more intentional about my wellness. This means establishing care routines. Taking care of my body by making lifestyle changes; eating healthy, exercising, proper skin and hair care. Healing my mind with therapy, affirmations and breaks as needed.
  4. Read a book. Fiction or non fiction. I used to as a child get buried in books all day everyday. As an adult, I am buried in my devices. It would be nice to fall in love with reading again. Suggest to me what your favourite books are.
  5. And finally, stay awesome because I am rad and cool and there is no better person to play me than me. Yanno?

Could you tell I run out of goals to write? Does that make me close to Self Actualisation as proposed by Maslow’s theory? Do you set monthly goals?

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Grounded by gratitude.

So it is my umpteenth attempt at writing again.

I found a post on Instagram, ‘November Journal Prompts’ and I decided to run with it. And so yes, that is the first thing that I am grateful for. A chance to write again.

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Writing has always been good for my mental health but as human as I am, I never give myself what I truly need.

As I sit here in my office place, after hours, surrounded by my colleagues disagreeing on topics, I note the second thing I am currently grateful for. An argument.

And while that seems absurd, hear me out. I get to express my views and be an individual with my own thoughts. I get to use my words. I can offer correction and I can get insight.

I never take an argument to heart. It has always been to me; differing opinions and that is exciting. It is conversation. Sometimes shoulders are rubbed the wrong way and things can get sour but, resolution is always possible and then the cold shoulder becomes the shoulder to lean on.

That was a lot of shoulders in that sentence and now I am glad I have a shoulder. How else do I hold my hand bag. Also I am just realising hugs would be one hell of a task without shoulders and I am going to stop with the shoulder talk now.

I am thankful that I have support. People I can go to for reassurance, assistance, to vent out, to talk to or to share a joke with. Life is too hard to do alone.

I haven’t been clear about the prompt for this post and if you couldn’t already guess. I am listing out 10 things I am grateful for now. 

I have more than 10, cause I have a good life. Naturally, I am thankful for that.

I haven’t always been thankful . There have been days when I didn’t even want my life. Or anyone else’s for that matter. I didn’t want a life. Would those days come again? I cannot categorically say No.

Thinking about the things that I am currently thankful for, grounds me to the reality of how good my life is. Hint: Inspiration for my title: Grounded by gratitude.

I am going to end this post before it gets too long, by listing out 5 more things that I am grateful for now.

  • The bubble wrap on my table from the new letter light box that I bought yesterday.
  • My salary that I received yesterday because guess what? I am going to treat myself all weekend.
  • My earphones for distracting me from the noise so I could write
  • The letter Lightbox from the first point that reads, ‘Defy Gravity. Soar high’

Finally, I am thankful that you took that time out to read this.

What are you thankful for?

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